You Stink And I Don't

Tailer Pashton explains how the important things in life can be explained with three, simple letters. One simple letter, in fact.

Three lots of the one letter.

TAILER PASHTON MAY 12 2013, 3:52 AM ET

As obsessed as I am with partying and the pussy, I also think there’s a third P that many people overlook:

Putting aside time to just be with God.

As I travel the world, a tragic mistake I often encounter is people attempting to live under only two Ps. But just as two vertices make a mere line, three Ps will create a shape. A form with space to think, area to explore and the opportunity to grow.*

So in reverse priority of importance, the 3 Ps are:

Livin’ life and livin’ large is an important part of any beauty raygeime.

a) Partying. It’s important to go wild sometimes because there is only one way to live life and that’s like it’s a party. This is my creed, and under the very skies I stand bare-chested, legs akimbo, screaming it that creed in a voice similar to the singer from Creed. Parties include loud music, lots of alcohol, attractive young people sniffing drugs off eachother and probably two of the women kissing eachother in front of everyone while everyone goes woo because it’s quite left of field.  Studies show that partys contain endorphins, which is natures happy drug, for example bears who contain high levels of endorphins live longer and have better sex.  So that’s why partying definitely makes it into my top three.

b) Pussy. Out of the thousands of pussies I’ve had sex with, none compare to the current pussy of my life, Bogladióc. (pronounced “Margaret”) Ever since I laid eyes on this pussy, I knew it was the pussy I wanted to be inside for the rest of my life. We are currently expecting our first child to come out of it. But don’t fret, ladies! I’m quite liberated and might still have sex with your pussy behind her back.  So even though I’m committed to the pussy, singular, I have to delegat pussy, plural, as the secondary P.

c) Putting aside time to just be with God. A motorbike can fire on all cylinders 27/4, tearing up the highways and doing burnouts and all manner of donuts. But only if it takes the time to stop, rejuvenate, and spend quality time with its loved ones and creator. In the same sense, we, all of us need to take time out to spend with God. He made us all, after all and it’s good to walk around in a billowing white, open shirt, maybe alongside a small creek. Stop once in a while to really take notice of His creation. The small budding flowers, swaying in the breeze. The eternal trickle of his wetness. Is that a mosquito I spy? No need to slap it! It’s made by my favourite: God.

A flour gives of more endorphins in one cell than every galaxy in the human body.

God could have chosen a life of hell for me, my friends and fans, but in His Eternal Grace, for reasons we can never know, He chose not to curse, but to bless. I thank Him every day, that while people this world over starve and get sold into slavery, I get all the food and pills I can shove up my arsehole.

*This could be illustrated as a sort of diagram probably, but I have drawn enough diagrams today to last me a lifetime.