Dear Kevin,
How are you? How’s the family? I am pretty good…. I am writing this because I saw a picture of you in the paper and thought I’d write to say hello! I am just on my computer. There are really loud cockies outside screeching… hmmm must be that time of year or something. I haven’t got much news. The other day some dude left a busted up car in our parking area and it was blocking all the other cars. The note he left said he bought it for parts, but then it broke down and he had to put it there so it didn’t get stolen. What a wanker! The people in my apartment block who own cars moved it out of the way but then it was blocking my space so visitors can’t couldn’t get in, so eventually me and Simon actually pushed the thing up the driveway along the side of the apartment block. I pushed it with my back while he steered, and it was really hard. He kept saying we couldn’t do it, but I got annoyed and said “Come ON, man!”, like are we not men? He can be so half-arsed. The driveway gets steep near the top and I kept complaining that if I lost control, I wouldn’t be able to move out of the way before it just run me over, and I was panicking a bit! So when we got to the really steep bit I got Simon to hold it and I went to call out to the Indian dudes upstairs to come and help us. I kinda took my time, forgetting immediately how heavy the car was to hold on your own and sort of dallying about, leaving Simon sort of there on his own, eventually calling “hello?” up to the window. When I did, I heard them imitating me and laughing, which I found interesting but they came down and helped us push it the rest of the way. They had thick hair and one had a moustache. The shorter one with the larger, rounder head had the moustache. I think that is the rule in India. So yeah, we shifted the car, and then headed back inside, congratulating ourselves for a while and laughing about how I was all Captain Intenso, but then leaving Simon to hold the car on his own for ages.
La la laaa… hmm hmm what else… apart from that, not much has been up. I got my editor wanting to run Lesson Master in 100% Home Girls which is a Picture spin-off. I said OK, as long as I didn’t have to make it rude. I wouldn’t have thought LM would really suit the audience, but he must know what he’s doing and as my sister Sarah pointed out, probably all kinds of people read porno mags, eh. For instance there is a group called Suicide Girls who do nudie porn, and it’s exactly the same except they have that goth/Bettie Page look and instead of pouting their lips like retards they do smug, one-sided smirks like fuckwits. They are aimed at alterno type guys. Oh, and girls since all goth girls are ‘bi’.
Anyway, hope you are enjoying being Prime Minister. I don’t follow politics at all, because it’s so depressing. Not because of what happens, just because everything about it is boring. Like, even the word ‘policy’ just makes my heart sink. And ‘legislation’. But no offense!!!!! I know you need to have politics and that it’s important! Don’t hate me!!!!! I bet you do a really good job. I get the GetUp newsletter but then it started getting sent to my spam folder and I haven’t bothered un-spamming it because I know I will just never read it. Whenever they go on about “the future of this country” I just think “fuck off.” But I bet you don’t care about comics or drawing so….
I don’t really have anything else to say now, so I’d better go and do some more work and then I might make some dinner.
Those cockies have stopped screeching which is good. I hope one day I can meet you. But it’s more likely Sarah will first!!!!
Talk to you soon,
Regards,
Ben
